7 Mistakes You're Making When Your Teen Has Deportation Anxiety (And How Chicagoland Families Are Finding Help)

When your teen is lying awake at night worrying about deportation, your first instinct is probably to comfort them. You might say, "Don't worry, everything will be fine," or "That won't happen to us." While these responses come from love, they could actually be making things worse.

Deportation anxiety is real, and it's affecting thousands of teens across Chicagoland right now. At the Mental Health Association of Greater Chicago, we're seeing more families struggle with immigration-related stress than ever before. The good news? We're also seeing families learn how to navigate these challenges successfully.

Let's talk about the seven most common mistakes parents make when their teen has deportation anxiety – and what you can do instead.

Mistake #1: Dismissing Their Fears as "Irrational"

Here's what many parents do: When their teen expresses fear about deportation, they immediately jump to reassurance. "Stop worrying about things that probably won't happen," or "You're being dramatic."

Why this backfires: Your teen's fears aren't irrational – they're based on real stories they hear, news they see, and experiences of friends or community members. When you dismiss these fears, you're essentially telling them their feelings don't matter.

Rebecca Ford-Paz, a clinical child psychologist at Lurie Children's Hospital who specializes in immigrant mental health, puts it perfectly: "Children's feelings must be validated." She explains that many teens are asking themselves, "What have we done wrong? Why are people calling immigrants criminals? Why would they target our family?"

What to do instead: Start with validation. Try saying, "I can understand why you'd be scared. These are scary times, and your feelings make complete sense." This doesn't mean you're agreeing that deportation will happen – you're just acknowledging that their fear is valid given what they're seeing and hearing.

Mistake #2: Avoiding the "What If" Conversations

Many parents think that by not talking about potential scenarios, they're protecting their teens from additional worry. So they avoid creating any kind of family emergency plan or discussing what would happen in different situations.

Why this doesn't work: Ford-Paz notes that "in the absence of information, children will go to the most catastrophic scenario in their mind." Without concrete plans, your teen's imagination fills in the gaps – usually with the worst possible outcomes.

What to do instead: Create a family preparedness plan together. This might include:

• Important documents and where they're kept

• Contact information for family members, lawyers, and support organizations

• A communication plan if family members are separated

• Financial preparations

Having a plan gives your teen a sense of control and concrete steps to follow, which actually reduces anxiety rather than increasing it.

Mistake #3: Thinking You Can Handle This Alone

There's still stigma around mental health support in many communities, and some families view therapy as unfamiliar or unnecessary. But trying to manage deportation anxiety without professional support can be a costly mistake.

The reality: Mental health professionals understand that trauma compounds. As one expert explains, "If you have a child who has a pre-existing mood or anxiety disorder, and you layer on top of that an acute or chronic stressor, that's just going to exacerbate symptoms." A manageable level of worry can escalate into panic attacks, depression, or even suicidal thoughts.

What to do instead: Seek professional help early. In Chicagoland, we have therapists who specifically understand immigration-related trauma and can provide confidential, culturally competent support. Many organizations also offer support groups where families can connect with others facing similar challenges.

Mistake #4: Only Looking for Emotional Symptoms

When parents think about deportation anxiety, they often focus on obvious emotional signs like crying, expressing worry, or having trouble sleeping. But deportation anxiety shows up in the body too.

Physical symptoms you might be missing:

• Frequent stomach aches or headaches

• Changes in appetite

• Digestive problems

• Extreme fatigue

• Getting sick more often

These aren't "fake" symptoms – they're real physical responses to psychological stress.

What to do instead: Pay attention to both emotional and physical changes in your teen. If you notice new or worsening physical complaints, especially alongside emotional symptoms, consider that anxiety might be the underlying cause.

Mistake #5: Pulling Back from Community

When families become scared, they often isolate themselves. They might stop attending religious services, avoid community events, or discourage their teens from participating in extracurricular activities. The thinking is, "If we keep a low profile, we'll be safer."

The problem: Research shows that about 30% of Latino youth avoid driving, extracurricular activities, religious services, and community events due to deportation fears. This isolation damages teens' social development and can actually worsen anxiety by removing important support systems.

What to do instead: Stay connected to your community when it's safe to do so. Support groups, religious communities, and school activities can provide crucial emotional support. If you're concerned about safety, talk with trusted community leaders about which activities feel safest while still maintaining connections.

Mistake #6: Missing the Academic Warning Signs

Your teen might be struggling in school, but you might not connect declining grades or behavior problems with deportation anxiety. Parents often address academic issues separately from mental health concerns.

Academic signs of deportation anxiety:

• Difficulty concentrating in class

• Memory problems

• Declining grades despite previous academic success

• Increased absences or tardiness

• Trouble completing assignments

• Behavioral issues at school

Ford-Paz explains that children experiencing immigration-related stress frequently show "heightened anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and academic decline."

What to do instead: Communicate with your teen's school counselors and teachers about what's happening at home. Many educators are trained to recognize signs of immigration-related stress and can provide additional academic support while your teen works through their anxiety. Schools can also help facilitate support groups and connect families with resources.

Mistake #7: Stopping at Emotional Support

Emotional support is crucial, but some parents stop there without taking any practical action. They offer comfort and reassurance but don't follow up with concrete steps to address the family's situation.

Why this isn't enough: While your teen needs to know you care, they also need to see that you're actively working to protect the family and address their concerns. Empty reassurance without action can actually increase anxiety over time.

What to do instead: Combine emotional support with practical preparation. This might include:

• Learning about your legal rights and options

• Connecting with immigration attorneys if needed

• Building financial emergency funds

• Teaching your teen coping strategies they can use at school or with friends

• Accessing mental health apps like Headspace or Calm for additional anxiety management tools

Tell your teen, "I am doing everything possible to keep you safe" – and then back that up with visible action.

How Chicagoland Families Are Finding Success

Across our area, families are successfully managing deportation anxiety by combining immediate emotional support with long-term practical planning. They're taking advantage of Chicago-specific resources like specialized clinicians at Lurie Children's Hospital, community organizations that provide culturally competent therapy services, and schools that are increasingly equipped to recognize and address immigration-related stress.

The families who are doing best aren't the ones who avoid the topic or pretend everything is fine. They're the ones who validate their teens' experiences, create concrete plans, stay connected to their communities, and get professional help when needed.

Moving Forward Together

Deportation anxiety is challenging, but it's not insurmountable. By avoiding these common mistakes and implementing supportive strategies instead, you can help your teen develop resilience and coping skills that will serve them well beyond this current situation.

Remember: seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your teen is learning from you how to handle difficult situations, and by taking proactive steps to address their anxiety, you're teaching them valuable life skills.

If your family is struggling with deportation anxiety, you don't have to navigate this alone. The Mental Health Association of Greater Chicago is here to support you with resources, referrals, and community connections that can make a real difference in your family's wellbeing.

For immediate support or to learn more about our services, visit our website or explore our community resources. Together, we can help your teen not just survive this challenging time, but develop the resilience to thrive.